Many people ask Alexa, "When did you get engaged?" Sometimes people ask "How did he ask you?" And when she wears one of her fancy rings on that finger reserved for special rings, people ask: "Is that your ring?"

The truth is that Matt and Alexa have been "engaged" for quite some time. Matt never proposed in the old fashioned sense of planning a momentous occasion where he got down on a knee and presented Alexa with a diamond and asked: "Will you marry me?" But Alexa and Matt have known for quite some time (years) that they would be together for the long haul and eventually get married.

The seriousness of their relationship came into full force two years ago when Matt found the stone that would become the focus of Alexa’s wedding ring. The story of the ring is actually quite romantic despite the fact they do not have a cheesy proposal story. The story goes like this:

Matt, as any real fly fisherman would, loves Montana. Alexa, as any true horse lover would, loves Montana. This is funny because neither Matt nor Alexa have spent any significant time in Montana (actually Matt has never been!). Yet, when they met and discussed their hopes and dreams, it turned out they both had an aching desire to live in Montana.

Alexa adamantly did not want a diamond engagement ring. Why? Well, Alexa’s birth stone is a diamond and she has taken it upon herself to buy her own diamond rings because no professional woman should feel the need to wait until a man proposes if she wants a diamond ring sooner. Matt is smart and listens most of the time, so he used his creativity to seek out the perfect stone to embody their love.

Through the powers of the internet (the same internet that brought Matt and Alexa together), Matt found a miner in Montana with a rough Montana sapphire pulled out of the river. Matt could not keep this discovery a secret so he asked Alexa if she would be willing to risk the unknown and have a rough Montana sapphire as her special stone. She thought—how perfect! And actually Alexa initially considered setting the rough stone for the first 5 years of their marriage. But then the stone arrived and it seemed better to have it cut because its rough and tumbled glory was not very glorious.

It also turns out that finding a qualified stone cutter is not an easy task, and the few people that can cut stones well tend not to want to cut them for random people that bought their gem from a miner in Montana. But if you know Matt, you know he can talk to anyone and make friends with a light post. Matt worked his Midwestern charm and convinced a renowned gem cutter to sculpt the rough sapphire into its full potential. The stone is beautiful and unique and not like any other sapphire or stone Alexa has ever seen.

You might wonder why Alexa is not wearing the stone as an engagement ring. Good question. Well, that’s where the non-proposal story continues...

Matt is a designer and was designing the ring when he ran into some issues finding a jeweler able to execute his vision. And in the midst of ring designing, Matt and Alexa decided to buy a home. And in the midst of home buying, Matt started a business, which is more like three businesses. And then the home needed a LOT of work. And then the businesses required a LOT of work. And then Alexa’s parents made an announcement that they would be leaving the country in 2015 for a year and cautioned their children to plan important life events either for 2014 or wait to do anything significant (like get married) until 2016. But don’t forget that Alexa and Matt were in the midst of home renovations and business birthing and had no business thinking about a wedding in 2014. Then Alexa’s brother, Tyler, set a date for his wedding and one Zanolli wedding in 2014 was sufficient, so Matt and Alexa set aside wedding thoughts and went back to landscaping and business starting and ring designing was put on hold.

(Oh, and there were also a few occasions in this period where Alexa guessed Matt’s proposal plans and spoiled his creative ideas for a grand gesture.)

So you ask, "What changed?" Well, Tyler and Candace got married and opened up the fall of 2014 for a Zanolli wedding. And at the same time Alexa realized 2015 was fast approaching but 2016 was far away. Matt and Alexa considered eloping and also considered getting married in one of the exotic locations Alexa’s parents would be traveling to in 2015. But then Alexa thought about Matt’s love of community and the fact close family and best friends that are like family would find it hard to travel to Istanbul or Auckland for a wedding. And Alexa really wanted the judge she works for to marry them because he has known Matt and Alexa for their entire relationship. Those thoughts made Alexa a little sad, so on Mother’s day she asked her parents if they had any opinion on the matter. Bobby said he wanted to walk Alexa down an aisle and at that moment Matt and Alexa decided to marry in the fall of 2014.

The next week they went to look at the venue where the wedding will take place and it fit the bill (pun intended). The date was chosen based on Alexa’s brother’s request that it not be on a date Wisconsin has a home football game, which limited the options. Daylight savings and the holidays took most of November and December out of the running. What remained was November 1, 2014. The deposit was paid and the next day Alexa found her wedding dress.

But back to the ring...Alexa realized she has a LOT of rings and did not want a wedding band in addition to an engagement ring. Matt said he would just give her the engagement ring again on their wedding day, but she thought that was weird. So instead, Alexa made a decision that she wanted Matt to give her the Montana sapphire in ring form at the same time she gives him a wedding band. So the ring will be a complete surprise to her on the day they get married.

And that is why they do not have a cute proposal story and why they didn’t have a traditional engagement.